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as i sit here (well lay here on my floor haha) watching iron man relaxing (Cause that is what everyone does the week of finals) I was reading some of the posts from this time last year and I am so happy and proud of myself. I am so happy at how far i have come, it is kinda scary looking back at just how bad things were. I can honestly say that i am happy or well close enough to it. I don’t feel like my brain is going to explode and I am strong enough to be on my own. Although that is another issue since i am semi isolating myself from my “friends” lol. That is not the point. I am not really sure what the point is… I guess it is that I am a step closer to feeling like a real person and feeling like i knowing what I want to do with my life.. ….
lets see how long this feeling lasts once i get home haha. This summer is going to be something else.
on a side note. my rekei is getting stronger and my bronchitis is clearing up. Two steps forward and one step back. But in the end it is still a step in the right direction :)
HOLLY HELL THIS IS TWO OF MY FAVORITE THINGS IN THE WORLD I WANT TO LIVE HERE. or work here. gahhhhh…
Not Your Ordinary Bookstore
Argentina’s El Ataneo Grand Splendid opened as a theater in 1919, later became a cinema and is now a bookstore.
Images: El Ataneo Grand Splendid, via Atlas Obscura.
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haha, sorry all.
just for now and past/ future reference. I forget that people actually like follow me…. or read anything I write… It is kinda weird that people actually do especially since I am so sporadic with stuff. So thank you for any comments or likes or whatever. I see them and really appreciate the love and support… but I forget to respond (or figure out how to haha) so I hear what you are all saying even if I don’t respond…. (oh g-d I mirror my real life haha)
Much love and happy slumber <- people still say that right? if not we should bring it up… lol
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I figured I should put something positive out there Grateful list ready set go ! !!
1) I am grateful for my wonderful and amazing family who are there to support me and give the strength and support that I need and are always there to look out for my best interest and provide me with the financial security to go to school
2) I am grateful for Ivan and when he is around, I am grateful that is able to come up to school, and spend time with me. And be there for me when I have my random panic attacks. even if he reacts to them not in the best way. I am also grateful that he will still see me over the summer depite my crazy mother
3) I am grateful for school. .I thank everyone and anyone looking down on me every night for giving me the blessing of being able to go to college and live in a single, and to live with bria. I am grateful that I decided to come here and am able to enjoy the beautiful campus and be with people who are all a little bit weird.
4) I am grateful for being rejected from the education program last year. It was perhaps the best thing in the world and I am thankful every single day that I did not get in. Oh g-d am I grateful.
5) I am grateful for sociology, I found something that I love so very much that I am good at. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to do something I love that I will do for the rest of my life even if i have to be in school for like ten years. I am thankful that I found something that keeps me hungry for more knowledge and has yet to disappoint me. I am grateful that I found something that keeps me excited.
6)I am grateful to dawson who taught sociology in highschool and who served as a role model and just for giving us all a passion. If i were to become a teacher I would want to be half the educator he is.
7) I am grateful for all of the things “wrong” with me, as with every challenge it makes me a more resilient and determined person. I am grateful for the lessons that I am learning which are making me a more understanding person
8) I am grateful for my home theatre, as it truly feels like my home and in the summer there is no where else I would rather be. I know that my summers spent there will soon be limited, so I am grateful to have had the opportunity to work in such a wonderful place. I love that job so much, I am grateful for being able to work a job that lets me use my creativity.
9) I am grateful for my self image. There are so many girls whom I know who are starving themselves or going to the gym four times a day to get the body that they want. I am grateful that I accept and love the way I look, even if I could loose a few pounds. I am grateful that I am happy even if I dress like a teenage boy.
10) I am grateful for my health…… I am grateful for my sinisitus… lol jk . But I am grateful for the awareness that it forces me to have about my lack of water and the way that I am treating my body I guess.
11) I am grateful for emily (em if you are reading this, sorry you are so low on the list ! I just saw your picture lol I still love you !!!) I am grateful that we are still friends after highschool. I am grateful that I still have a friends after high school, haha but I am grateful to be around someone who knows me so well and expects nothing less but for me to be myself.
I am too tired to keep going. But you get the point. I am grateful for all of my friends and people who support me, I am grateful for the people who I do not tell that I am grateful for who I don’t speak to often enough or am unable to spend time with them.
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With spiritual journey thing that i have been on, or more so that my mother has some how roped me into and with the “high levels” of enlightenment that I have apparently been at. I feel like shit. I really do, what is worse is that I know that I have to change it and I know what I need to do (which is weird but a different story) but it just difficult haha. I have to deal with school and work and the Jew AND freaking maintaining my spiritual balance…. I don’t even drink enough water everyday. whatever… I have to meditate and do some thing to get back on track cause right now this is not ok and I see the kind of energy I am attracting and its not good lol.
Sorry this was just a rant nothing really productive or anything.
this week has been Holocaust remembrance week, and because of that we ended up watching the boy in the striped pajamas.. I realized that I have never watched a Holocaust movie in a room with majority of Jews before. I have watched them in class where one or two of my classmates were Jewish but never in an intimate setting where out of twelve nine of us are Jews. It was startling. It was startling because you could feel the innate emotional build up while watching the movie. It was startling because you could see in their faces, in their eyes that they were not seeing actors. they were seeing their Grandparents, great grandparents and family members they never got the chance to meet, family members they never knew the names of. Or perhaps the family members in which they were named after, to follow traditions to never let the dead be forgotten. It was startling to see this, but it was more startling to feel it. To feel the burning in your heart with the realization that an event that took place over sixty years ago still brings up the same raw emotions, two or three generations later.
It is startling to feel the pain of one of the boys whose grand parents on both sides were survivors, whose father was born in a displaced person camp, whose grandfather survived six different concentration camps and not only lived to tell the tale but went back to testify against the nazis.
It is startling to hear his family’s story to realize that this was the reason for him to join the IDF. It is startling to hear the names Bergen Benson, Auschwitz, and the Warsaw Ghetto, and to almost smell the stench of the burning flesh of my ancestors, to smell the rot and filth of conditions in which they were forced to live in.
it is startling to hear the facts and details of the lives of those who lived there. Repeated over and over again year after year. It is startling that after all of these years of education that it is still startling. It is startling to know that six million people were killed, it is startling to know that so much of our culture, history, lives and families were destroyed. It is startling to know that people forget, not only about the past, but about the present, about those who need our help just as badly as those almost seventy years ago.
I am startled by all of this, but are you ?
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